PUTIN: I MISREAD THE SITUATION. THOUGHT THE FIRST LADY WAS WINKING AT ME.

(Moscow, Russia & Beijing, China) – “I misread the situation”, said Russia’s President Vladimir Putin. The statement from Putin was in regard to his placing a shawl over China’s First Lady’s shoulders at the Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation (APEC) event. They were watching the fireworks at the time and Putin blames the extra lighting for the blunder.

“I was blinded by the fireworks and for a moment thought the First Lady, Peng Liyuan, was winking at me only to realize later that she was only squinting due to the aforementioned fireworks, I think.”

The incident was swiftly swept under the rug by China’s internet censoring machine and the First Lady could not reached for comment but a close aide to the First Lady is said to have remarked that the First Lady was not actually squinting at the fireworks display but that she’s naturally that way.

The aide has not been heard from since and another aide said that the first aide was swept under the rug like the shawl incident and refused to elaborate what that meant. The second aide also disappeared and has not been heard from since.

Hours later a third aide disappeared (clearly these aides are not very smart) after leaking information to the press that the First Lady actually winked at Vladimir Putin while actually trying to wink at President Obama who was also at the event. “It was a mistake”, said the third aide. “The First Lady’s target was Mr. Obama but due to the flashy fireworks she mistakenly winked at the wrong head of state.”

According to the third aide, all Peng Liyuan wanted was a selfie with the leader of the free world but Putin got in the way and ruined things for them.

Neither President Obama nor his (smarter) aides could be reached for comment but word on the street is that NSA is busy photoshopping a selfie featuring Obama and Peng Liyuan to be released on 4chan later this week.

China’s propaganda machine was quick to correct the “mis-report” by the aides and “rightly” claimed that the First Lady would never wink at either Putin or Obama and as a matter of fact China further claims that the First Lady or any other Chinese national is actually not capable of a wink and termed the whole thing rather inaccurate. The teachings of Mao prohibit such tendencies.

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