WHEN A BACHELOR SETS OUTS TO COOK PANCAKES BUT ENDS UP WITH “PIZZA”

First off, I know that my consistency here is as good as a politician’s word. Frankly I’m surprised that this blog is still gathering hits. When I logged in I was expecting a ghost town. Not so much… There’s still some activity here. Most of the hits are robots but a handful of the hits are actual breathing souls. Hang in there, I will one day be a better person. 😛

Now to monkey business…

What you need to know about my cooking is that I am as good a cook as Donald Trump is at being a human being. He’s not exactly the epitome of humanity. That being said it’s important you know that I’m not completely useless in the kitchen. I can fry an egg. He he he… Anyway, when I set out to cook the abominable thing below I had pancakes in mind: pancakes for dinner because when you’re a single, breakfast and dinner are totally interchangeable. In fact I had ugali for breakfast and no it was not leftover from last night. I woke up and wanted ugali so I cooked some.

Now let’s face it, pancakes are not exactly the most complex of meals to cook, all you have to do is whip up some flour with eggs and fry that shit. Simple and quick, or is it? Look at the image below, there’s nothing wrong with this setup at this point. All is rosy and stuff…

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yeah, sure what could go wrong…

Actually the whole point of me documenting my cooking was for an instagram post. Yeah, I’m one of those people. I was going to cook something and instagram it. I’m almost on the same level as the pricks who catch fish, pose with it then let it go. The difference between me and these kinds of fishermen is that I don’t toy with food. If it’s on my hands I’m gonna eat it. If there are people who deserve an award for dickling around it is the people who catch fish and then let it go. What’s the point? If you’re not gonna eat it or it’s not for some scientific study, let the fish be. There must be dozens of fish out there with low self-esteem. Fish going back into the sea like, “man, I suck! Even the humans won’t eat me. I’m gonna die alone!” Don’t be a dick, man. Let the fish be!

I’m getting sidetracked… Moving on…

So, pancakes. Easy enough, right? I was about to start frying them when I had a bright idea: I’m gonna mix the onions, coriander (yeah fucking coriander) and tomatoes with the dough and cook it and see what happens. Why would any level headed person do that? Well, a level headed person would never do that. I went full retard and did exactly that. Now was it a bad idea, ummm hell yeah!! The moment I started frying them I knew I might be sleeping hungry. Did I stop it, no! Hell no! There was no way I was going to waste all that dough. I had spent like twenty minutes preparing it and if it was all going down the drain, it would be on my own spectacularly flawed terms.

Long story short, the finished product looked like a badly cooked pizza and it tasted just as horrible. Don’t let the photo below fool you, the pancakes were inedible!! It was not just distasteful, it was the absolute worst. It was like scooping dirt and eating it. I’m still waiting for food poisoning to come at me with all its got.

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Food poisoning at it’s prime…

Did I go to bed hungry, hell no!! I ate that “pizza” like it was my last meal. Why, because I’m a complete moron. That’s why.

PS: “Pizza” shenanigans aside, I’m gonna keep this blog alive from now on. I have found me some free time and spending it here is just as good as spending it in my basement with my totally willing girlfriend. I swear she totally wants to be in my basement, I have not tied her to a post with a gag in her mouth. I don’t do that. Anymore.

 

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