THE NEW EXPLOSIVE IN TOWN: SAMSUNG GALAXY NOTE 7

photo credit: forbes.comSecurity agencies around the world are on high alert following reported cases of Samsung’s Galaxy Note 7 devices exploding when you, apparently, don’t pay enough attention to it. Allegedly Samsung used the same code found in a teenager’s DNA on their devices.

Security agencies’ apprehensiveness about the Note 7’s explosions was brought about by intelligence that the terror groups Al Qaeda and ISIS have been mass buying this particular release of the Samsung devices.

Word on NSA servers is that the terror groups are activating their sleeper cells across the globe and directing them to buy at least three of the Samsung Galaxy Note 7 for each member of the cell. Thereafter all they have to do is walk into their intended targets and simply plug their devices into a power source and wait… If a power source isn’t readily available, a sleeper agent is advised to dismantle the phone, take out the battery, rub it between his/her palms and just place it next to the dismantled phone and wait… The exploding part is all up to the phone. It might explode, it might not but you are better placed if you put your money on the device exploding.

For better results, a high ranking Al Qaeda operative was apparently heard advising the group’s soldiers across the globe to place the devices in a car, plug in the car charger, park the vehicle next to their targets and simply walk away.

Photo credit: express.co.uk / Nathan Donarcher / Facebook

Photo credit: express.co.uk / Nathan Dornacher / Facebook

Yes that has happened. One Nathan Dornacher from St. Petersburg, Florida, left his Note 7 charging and walked into his house but on returning, his car was a hot mess. It’s the terrorist’s wet dream. Terrorism has never been easier.

The spontaneous exploding of the Samsung phablet was welcome news since now they don’t have to strap suicide vests onto their jihadists. All they have to do is strategically place a Galaxy Note 7 where it will cause maximum harm, like say a in an oil refinery, then sit back and wait for the phone to do the rest. Terror groups are calling it smart jihadi.

Instead of sneaking explosives onto a plane, all they have to do is work in pairs. One operative will board an airplane with a Galaxy Note 7 while another sneaks a power bank. Smart jihadi…

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Elsewhere, there are reported cases of estranged couples buying each other the doomed Galaxy Note 7 instead of going through an ugly divorce and that is in the expectation that their bitter half will at some point plug their device to a power source and the Samsung device will comply and do what it does best. Explode!

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